My Health Journey

For as long as I can remember I had issues with my health. Before I had turned 10 years old I was dealing with debilitating migraines that would make me sick and leave me sitting in the dark, alone for hours or even days, which continued into adulthood. I had undiagnosed hypoglycemia, rashes and aches. When I was in my 20s and pregnant with my oldest, I was having worsening migraines, body aches and pains, overstimulation, hormonal challenges, exhaustion and a myriad of symptoms that nobody could quite pinpoint to any one thing. By the time I was pregnant with my youngest in my early 30s I was experiencing heightened anxiety, extreme reactions to too warm or too cold environments and heavy weight gain. Doctors weren't sure what was going on and I saw over 15 different doctors, specialists, functional practitioners and holistic healers. Doctors wanted to prescribe medication, medications that I could not take because my body is so highly sensitive that I would have some sort of a reaction each time I ingested one, even vitamins. I was prescribed antibiotics, anxiety and depression medication, did hours of therapy and spent many hours in the ER with the answer of “its anxiety” thrown at me time and time again. I found that most discouraging of all was the quick turn to anxiety in my most important times of need- I once had a pill stuck in my throat because my tonsils were so swollen from infection and the ER doctor told me I developed a lump due to anxiety. That was the one and only thing that I received from my “diagnoses”...anxiety. I cannot explain the pit of despair, the absolute dread and fear going to see doctors because this was always their answer. I learned that if they didn't have the answer, instead of just saying that, I was told it was anxiety and to go on medication...medication which only made me worse.

My health issues eventually got so bad that I was dealing with constant body trembling, vision impairment, internal spasms and nervous system dysregulation that had me bed bound for an entire summer. All of the testing that doctors ran was inconclusive. I was eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia from allopathic medical providers (basically, I have a lot of symptoms with no “real”cause) and found my thyroid to be sluggish via integrative practitioners. I have antibodies for Hashimoto disease, an autoimmune disorder that affects the thyroid. I was unknowingly living in mold for a few years and had a sensitivity to gluten that I would have never found had I not tried holistic care. One of the most crucial aspects of my health journey is that I have had the most incredible doctor on my side. It took me a little bit of time to find him, but it helped to save me mentally and emotionally because he was one place I felt supported within the medical community.

Not only was my physical, mental and emotional health impacted by all of this, but the effects it had on my relationships honestly shocked me. I lost people, people I truly cared about and loved. I saw the true colors and intentions of others and what my worth was to them. I lost family and friends but learned a very valuable lesson- that the love for myself was going to be what got me through. I told myself for a very long time that if it wasn't for my children I wouldn’t be here because my mental health got so dark and so deep that I thought it would never stabilize. I was thrown so far down this well of shame, guilt and fear of my own loved ones that I couldn't get out of my head for one second. I blamed myself. I felt every negative thought and every single time someone questioned my experience or sanity and it just drove me deeper and deeper down. It was a completely isolating experience that I wish upon absolutely no one in the world. With that said, through this journey I also found gems. I found that I have genes that leave me more susceptible to negative effects of things like must and dust and mold. I found that, for me, healing begins with trauma and energy work and allowing myself permission to love not just my family but also myself. Over the years, I lost a huge part of myself due to the influences of others, and this took a very long time to admit because I thought I should've known better and I was so taken aback by the fact that it happened for so long and it never clicked within me.

It wasn't until I realized that the strength was within me the whole time that things changed. I felt a fire within me that ignited and pushed me to fight harder for myself than I ever did. I had been locating, scheduling and visiting all of these doctors, specialists and practitioners on my own. I had the power and strength to create the oh so necessary boundaries to protect myself and truly after then, did things begin to adjust. I continued to search high and low for a very long time and found the right people- not family, not friends- but complete strangers who loved me and cared for me with no judgment right from the start. I have been more than blessed to have found amazing mentors who have guided me and accompanied me on this journey to health. They continue to support me in all the ways that I need to feel safe and comfortable.

I have learned so much on this journey. I have learned that we as individuals are our best own advocates and to always trust our intuition-that gut feeling. That there is so much more out there in terms of actual health than we could ever imagine. Gestalt therapy, Ayurveda and energy work have been what has worked best for me. I didn't come from a background that supported these systems and it took some retraining of my thoughts and emotions towards them but I am so glad I gave them chances because they have saved me. I am fortunate to have practitioners under my belt who I truly believe in because they have changed many lives, including mine. At this stage, I am so incredibly fortunate to have found an amazing allopathic doctor who has been open with all of the holistic approaches I have taken and has recommended some on his own. He ran tests when others wouldn't and walked the long miles with me. Even though “western” medicine was not the answer for me, he never gave up. My true wish is that everyone can find the same. I am so fortunate to have the best of care: allopathic, Ayurvedic and with an intuitive naturopathic doctor who is a certified Gestalt practitioner. Please dot hesitate to ask for recommendations as I am happy to share!

With sparkle and grace,

Mare

Please note that anxiety and depression are very real. I have experienced both on incredibly deep and traumatic levels in my journey and I will always encourage anyone in need of help to please seek assistance right away. I fully support anyone's choice to medicate, or not to medicate, for their best and highest good.